Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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