i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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