Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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