ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
