i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
