Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
