Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
