....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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