Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
