Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
