It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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