Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
