You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
