but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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