you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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