your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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