Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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