I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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