you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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