whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
