I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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