I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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