Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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