quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
