Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The air was thick with penises
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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