So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I deserve this hangover.
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