I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
