what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye