i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??