I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.