We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing