She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
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Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.