i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.