you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.