Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"