if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
