i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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