Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
