i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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