What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
