just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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