Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
