I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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