I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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