i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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