What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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