Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have aggressive nipples.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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