Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
