We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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