I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
