Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
