he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
