My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
