i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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