i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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