I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
