I heard we made out
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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