His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
