Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
