your parents love me but you hate me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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