shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
this hospital has no fireball
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
