I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
