i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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