I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
