On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
