True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
