Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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