Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
