Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
