She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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