I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
