Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
