I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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