Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
