If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
