I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
