Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
a search helicopter?!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
