Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
