So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize