loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
