the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
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Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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