after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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