You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
