just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
