I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
