Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
