shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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