Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
