guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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