she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
