where am i from again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
