they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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