and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
