Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
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these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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