omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just had sex on a roof
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
