I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dating After Heartbreak
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy