Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.