I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
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Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day