Just fell off a train. Bad.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.