Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS