im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
